From a woman who wishes with everything in her that her baby was still here on this earth…

Abortion is murder. I have been so distraught over this I’ve struggled focusing on anything else. My heart is broken. This has always been something that has brought me to tears and literally made my heart physically ache.

But now in particular the choice to kill your alive baby that is inside of you breaks me more than ever. I would give just about anything to still have my sweet sweet precious baby in me. I’d be 18 weeks now. We would have just found out the gender. We would be planning his or her nursery. We would have chosen a name. We’d be buying baby way too much clothes that he or she doesn’t need. We’d be anticipating and thrilled for June 26 to get here. And above all we’d have our sweet baby ALIVE in my belly. It’s so hard to think about all of this. I know that my baby we lost is safe in the Presence of Jesus and that’s the only thing that has gotten me through the last couple months. 

BUT to think that people would take their own child’s life when I would give anything to have my baby back it has wrecked me. And I know I am not alone in this. There are so many people who have lost their babies or are struggling to conceive while others are literally murdering the human they created. I don’t know what to do but to beg people to stop. Don’t do it. There are so many other options. You can give your baby up as soon as he or she is born and there are countless families who can’t conceive on their own and would love your baby well.

I saw a post this morning that said it is illegal to kill a bald eagle’s egg that hasn’t hatched but it is not illegal to kill an unborn HUMAN. Yall, it really just isn’t okay. We are more concerned in this country about an animal life than human life. It’s crazy. 

Life begins at the moment of conception. The heart start beating not soon after. These are literally human beings that our country is celebrating their murder. Truly celebrating proudly this horrid choice. It is truly the modern day holocaust. It’s just not okay. It’s awful. It’s sin. It’s murder. And it has got to stop. 

If you have chosen this choice and regret it God has forgiveness for you. I encourage you to read and listen to what is on this link below. There is grace and reconciliation offered through Jesus Christ. The gospel rescues us and bring freedom through confession.

As Lecrae says above he chose his life over his child’s life. That is what abortion is. It is one of the most selfish decision that you could ever make. If you don’t want the child, give him or her up for adoption. Give me your baby. There are so many people who will take them in and treat them as their own and love them so well. 

At 8 weeks a HUMAN BABY can suck their thumbs, smile, and all organs are working. The one that kills me the most is that they recoil from pain which means when they kill this child they experience the pain. 

After 21 weeks a baby can live with help in many cases. Most abortions happen after 21 weeks. When we look at the science behind this it proves that the baby is alive. When you look at scripture it assures us more than anything that at the moment of conception this baby is a soul. 

“I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.” Psalm 139:14-16

Murder for the sake of your convince is not worth your child’s life. This world is broken. We need Jesus so bad. A fetus is a soul. And a fetus should have the same rights as all souls. Let’s speak up. Let’s talk about this. The baby has his or her own DNA. The baby has his or her own functioning brain and heart. This baby has his or her own dreams.

No one has the right to do whatever they want to their own body. If this were the case there would be no laws. There are laws that keep us from prostitution, to go the right speed limit, not to murder, not to kill bald eagle eggs….. etc. The sanctity of life just doesn’t make the bar apparently.  

These babies need us to speak up. To make war against this modern day genocide that must end.  From a woman who wishes with everything in her that her baby was still here on this earth, was still alive inside of her please look at the other options if you don’t feel ready to be a parent. I beg you please please please. YOUR CHILD deserves life. Your child deserves to be able to make their own choices and live their life. Don’t take this from them.



If you feel lead to act, sign this petition to repeal New York’s “Reproductive Health Act.”




I just want my baby.

This was written yesterday.


We lost our baby today. It’s so awful. My heart has never known a pain so intense. I saw him or her. My baby. Forever this baby will be my baby. All I can keep thinking is that I want my baby. I want my baby. I want this baby. I want this baby to still be growing in me. I want my baby to be here June 26th. I want to watch this baby grow up.  I know, God willing, we will have another baby. But I want this baby. My baby. Because this baby will be ours always and forever. Nothing will change that. 

The pain is indescribable. It hurts so much. But knowing that my baby is with Jesus and that I will see him or her when I get to heaven is the only thing that has gotten me through the day. And I know it’s the only thing that will continue to get me through. As I was leaving the hospital this morning, I Can Only Imagine came on the radio. That was no accident. As I was crying harder than I’ve ever cried. Hurting more than I’ve ever hurt, I knew that it was by God’s all sufficient and mighty sovereign hand that He put this song on the radio. I just kept thinking about how this baby never has to have any of the pain of this fallen world but is literally in the presence of Jesus right now. Literally right now is experiencing every single thing this song talks about. 

My sweet baby is walking side by side with Jesus,

face to face- I imagine them holding hands and walking together,

surrounded by His glory, 

possibly dancing for Jesus or maybe awestruck by His presence. 

Baby could be on his or her knees in awe of Him or praising him singing an endless hallelujah. 

I can only imagine of this day one day and oh my heart yearns more than ever for it, but my sweet baby has fully and completely experienced the greatest unexplainable joy that can ever be experienced standing in the presence of Jesus. He is true joy. This world’s joys are fleeting and pointless. When the worse happens, having all the materialist things in the world will not get you through. Only Jesus will. 

Someone asked if I’m going to want people to know (and I totally respect that everyone is different- for some, this is way too difficult to speak about), but of course I want people to know about my other child. My baby is apart of me. My baby is apart of our family forever. He or she may not be present physically on this earth, but this baby made his or her mark on our hearts forever. I want to honor this baby. I want to remember this baby. I will continue to talk about this baby forever. Even when it’s hard and awkward because he or she was my baby and will always be my baby. Though this precious life was much shorter than we wanted, I know that this baby’s life will go on to make an impact for the Kingdom for all of eternity. That is my prayer. 

We are no longer a family of three. We are a family of four. One of us is just already fully and completely in the presence of Jesus. Oh that brings joy to my weary weary heart but the ache of wanting my baby we’ll never leave. And I never want it to leave because that’s  my baby and always will be. 

Words could never describe just how unbelievably thankful I am that Lord allowed me to have been this baby’s momma for the 6.5 weeks that I got to be. I felt connected to this baby. I had already gotten baby sum 2.0 (which is what we’ve called this angel since we found out we were pregnant on our 11th dating anniversary…. cheesy yeah but whatever it meant so much to me and Tay) a prayer bible for us to give to him or her one day full of prayers for him or her. But I will still write in his or her prayer bible that we got our sweet baby. I will continues to pray that this precious life continues to just flood Jesus with anyone who hears of his or her life. 

My sister sent me these quotes and they bring me great comfort. I pray they do you as well if you’ve walked this road before.

“We sometimes feel that a life which was so brief was in vain, and that God has mocked us by giving us the little one and then by taking it away immediately. The child had no opportunity to perform a work, nor was there any time given to develop character. Let us remember, first of all, that the little one had an eternal spirit, and that it has gone into the presence of God where there will be an eternity to perform works and develop character. . . A brief life is not an incomplete life.” – J. Vernon McGee

“Should it not thrill any mother to know that the darling treasure taken from her bosom as a tiny infant will be seen again, not as an unopened bud, but as a full-bloomed rose in the garden of paradise? What a reunion that will be!” -J. Sidlow Baxter

“I remember the story of a distraught father who was deeply grieved by the death of his son. He went to see his pastor, and in his bewildered anger he asked, “Where was God when my son died?” The pastor replied with a calm spirit, “The same place He was when His Son died.”

So many emotions have and I know will continue to flood my heart. Hurt, confusion, anger, unreal sadness, but thankfulness and joy are still there. They’re anchored in my hope that I know my baby is with Jesus and I know I will cuddle and kiss and love all over my baby one day. But until then I’ll live to make much of our Savior. I will honor my baby with special items to remember him or her. 

I am so incredibly thankful for legit an army of people who have showered us with so much love today. Losing your baby is way way way more common than we will ever even be able to know statistically. As I’ve reached out for prayer from dear friends in my life, most of them have experienced this. Though it doesn’t make the pain of losing your child any lighter because nothing can it is good to know you’re not alone. There are many who have walked this road before and have incredible advice and love. One told me it’s a sisterhood you never want to join. So true. But here I am. Never thought it would happen to those I love. Really never thought it happened to me. But I’m thankful to be this baby’s momma. I’m thankful for his or her life. 

Oh my gracious. Words they’re just not enough to explain how unbelievably amazing my husband is. It all just hurts so much, but to see just how much he loved this baby too….. oh my goodness… he was and still is the best daddy to this baby. Oh what a gift he is. Such a gift. I am so undeserved of his deep love and patience. He had been waiting on me hand and foot while I had been exhausted these past view weeks. He had already been doting over this baby like he always does to me and El girl.

The lies from the devil I will fight with truth because there is nothing I did that could of prevented this from happening. Though I have questioned every single moment of this pregnancy, I know that this baby is the Lords. This baby was the Lords before he or she was mine and Taylor’s. God’s plans aren’t always ours. We cannot see all that is going on. I’m keeping my eyes on Him. Trusting He will use this precious, precious life to further His Kingdom and for His glory. And you better believe I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure that happens! But the true work is up to Him. His ways are not always our ways. They’re higher than my ways. Though I don’t understand. Though I hurt, I will praise Him still. My cousin sent me this song because it’s been her battle cry and it’s mine now too. Please feel free to make it yours as well. 

Yes I will by Vertical Worship…

I count on one thing. The same God that never fails. Will not fail me now. You won’t fail me now.

In the waiting. The same God who’s never late is working all things out. You’re working all things out

Yes I will, lift You high in the lowest valley. Yes I will, bless Your name. Oh, yes I will, sing for joy when my heart is heavy. All my days, oh yes I will.

These verses my momma sent have helped my heart. My greatest prayer is that this encourages or helps just one person who is fighting this unspoken battle that so many are walking. 

fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken. Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge. Psalm 62:1, 2, 5-8

Haven’t listened to it yet but a trusted friend who has been through this three times told me it’s a must listen to.

It doesn’t matter how far along you were or how old your baby is, a loss of a child is a loss. Respect that. There is no right thing to say. Just pray. Please pray for us. It just sucks so much. Pray for people who have gone through. Show them extra amounts of love with small gestures. Our small army has felt like this biggest army overwhelming us with so much love. Definitely feeling His love through my peoples. Thank you to all of you. 

Focusing my attention and my heart more than ever on Jesus. He is my strength. Trusting Him. Clinging to Him. Telling him exactly how I feel. He can handle the pain. Put your hurt on him. He understands. As hard as it is to believe that someone could love your baby more than you, He really does.


fighting for joy today?

Fighting for joy today?


Me too. My heart is so heavy.. sad but worshipful. A broken hallelujah is all I have to give. There’s been a lot going on lately and God has been teaching me so so much.  I have been wanting to sit down and write about it but haven’t been able to get myself to do it. I’ve said it’s because I haven’t had time but that’s not why. That’s just been an excuse. You make time for what is important. It’s because its too hard. It’s good but it’s hard to think about it all. I’m convicted. I’m hurting. Life been alot lately. I dont even want to go into the detail but feel like I should somewhat.


Right now I am trying my hardest to write it all out while I can with Never Alone by Tori Kelly on repeat. I’m struggling with a broken hallaleujah but not like I had been struggling. Since I went back to work after I had Ellie I have been trying to figure out this balancing thing out and it has been really hard for me. I had fell so in love and experienced a bond that I never knew that everything failed in comparison to it. Things I use to love I struggled loving. I knew I did I just couldn’t figure out this balancing act. I had been in this “funk”, “valley”, “desert” for a while. I had felt the Lord pulling me out of it over the last couple months and then something that was awful but could of been much much worse happened and God used it to snap me completely out of this weird place I was in. God gave me new lens to see everything. A completely new beautiful perspective on life, convicted me about a lot, and taught me so much. After this event happened for the next couple weeks many difficult things have been continuing to happen in my family and with my friends. From multiple losses to people being in the hospital to making some really hard personal decisions; through it God has taught me so much and has restored my joy in Him – even on the hard days like today.


Today’s one of those days. I’m fighting for joy because my joy isn’t in my circumstances, they are in my Savior. He is constant. He is good. He is my purpose. I am fighting for my joy to stay in Him and to remind myself of all I have learned through all of this in the hard days so today I am going to write out all I have learned because I need to be reminded. I need to preach truth to my heavy heavy heart while it seems that these tears won’t stop streaming down my face as I am trying to write this.


 1. The most important thing that I learned is that literally every single breath is such an undeserved privilege and gift from God. With my baby being so sick for the last month it been real hard. She had a febrile seizure over labor day weekend and stopped breathing after it. I thought she was gone. I had no idea what to do but on the ground on the side of the road I just started breathing in her mouth while Taylor called 911 till she started breathing again. Thank God she started breathing again. It was the worse thing I have ever experienced in my life. The worse. I had no idea what to do but God overwhelmed me with this eerie peace and I truly believe He took over me completely to have me do what might of saved by baby’s life. Taylor and I had been memorizing Philippians 4:6-7 the week before. I had no idea in the moment but now looking back I can see that that verse is what He did in that moment. He overwhelmed my mind and my heart so I could think logically and do what I needed to do. It was the most supernaturally experience I’ve ever experienced. I wasn’t even CPR certified then (am now) so I legit had no clue what to do. After taking the class, it is crazy that I did exactly what I was suppose to do… well really it’s not crazy… it’s God. That’s what He does.


“do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7


“For the Spirit of God has made me, and the breath of the Almighty gives me life.” Job 33:4

“Then the LORD God formed the man from the dust of the ground. He breathed the breath of life into the man’s nostrils, and the man became a living person.”

Genesis 2:7

“This is what God the LORD says– the Creator of the heavens, who stretches them out, who spreads out the earth with all that springs from it, who gives breath to its people, and life to those who walk on it:” Isaiah 42:5


There are these and so many more verses in the Bible that say it but how often had I just passed over them not appreciating them. I couldn’t. I didn’t get it. Though I lost my uncle and my granddad at a young age and have always said I didn’t struggle taking people for granted but idolizing them.. I still did. Even my own breath I had been taking for granted .


Breathe right now. Like legit stop reading and do it.


It’s a gift. We don’t deserve even one breath that we take. We are so  undeserved of everything but eternal punishment for all of our sins. But He gives us so much. He gives us so many earthly blessings but even more than that He gives us LIFE in Him. He has gifted us with the gift of salvation for those who believe. So undeserved. It’s hard to get out what all is going on in my heart right now because I want to explain it but unless you have experienced tragedy or almost experienced it I don’t know if you can fully grasp it because it’s just so much.


I want to embrace every day and make the most of each one God gives me. I want to make an impact for His Kingdom with my eyes on Him, not on my circumstances. Even on the hard days like today.


2.  Having best friends to encourage you is a game changer. I am beyond thankful for friends who I can be vulnerable and real with. They have spoken such comforting words that I’ve needed. Most recently a couple of them reminded me that sometimes our joy in Christ isn’t us smiling ear to ear but it’s leaning on Him in the hard times and it’s the quiet inner peace in my mind and heart that reminds my heart of His truths when it just seems like it’s bad news after bad news after bad news. Having joy in Jesus doesn’t mean that you can’t be sad or overwhelmed, but that in the sadness you are in a “sweet terrible place of surrender because there’s nothing YOU can do.” He has got it. He is in control and He is good always. He is faithful. Thank you to all my people who have been my people and have listened to me and loved me and my family so well.


3. I am never in control even when I think I am. I thought my idol was my attitude but as I was reading chapter one in  “Idols of the Heart” by Elyse Fitzpatrick in the Hobby Lobby parking lot.. Lol… God revealed to me that the problem behind the actual sin of getting upset about small temporary silly things was me wanting control. I want everything to go how I want it to go. I want everyone to be healthy and happy. I want to fix everything for everyone. I want to change people’s hearts. I want to change my own heart. I want to be in control of everyone’s opinion of me. I want everyone’s approval and love when I know there’s only One’s approval and love that I need and already have. And HE is in control. He is God and I am not. And Praise God for that! Though I don’t understand all His ways, I trust Him. I will worship Him still. Thank God that He is in control and I am not. There are many different things in my life that I look back on and I am unbelievably thankful I didn’t get what I wanted and what I prayed for because God’s plan was so much more beautiful than mine. His ways are higher than mine (Isaiah 55:8-9). He is sovereign. I want to not just know He is sovereign but to truly rest in His sovereignty (Job 42:2). To give up the control that I never had. Life is way too short to get upset about small things. Way too short. It could be taken away in a moment so we have to fight to enjoy and make the most of every single moment we are given. Even when your day, your week, your month, your year, maybe even your life isn’t going how you want it to, embrace it. With your eyes fixed on Jesus, clinging to Jesus. God promises that He is using all things for our good and for His glory for those who love Him (Romans 8:28). Worship Him through it all.


4. Sometimes someone might just need your unconditional love. Someone I had been trying to share Jesus with for over four years took their own life recently. I still just don’t even feel like it actually happened. I’ll find myself going to pray for Moriah and then I’m reminded there’s no reason to now. She is either in heaven or hell already. Ughhhh my heart just hopes with everything in me that when I get to heaven I will be so surprised when I see her face there. No matter how weird or uncomfortable someone is or makes you feel.. Don’t stop loving them. Don’t stop sharing Jesus with them. Everyone needs Jesus. And we are ALL messed up sinners. No one is worse than the other. The playing field is leveled. Were all a bunch of hot messes that need God’s grace.  So let’s make it our effort to love other so so well with everything in us.


5. Keep fighting to get out of the desert. Don’t give up. God will eventually get you out of it. You cannot get yourself out of it. Fight. Fight by spending time reading the Word even when you don’t want to. Put that worship song on when you’re upset. Pray to Him when you have no joy. Keep fighting. It’s worth it because He is worth it. You have a purpose and a reason you are here to further His Kingdom. He has numbered your days and your breaths and every single one of them has a purpose. No one has the world that you have. God has put there to share Jesus with them. You are not responsible to change their heart. You can’t do that. Only God can, but be an example and love others and God like crazy. It might take time but He will get you out of the valley you’re in. He promises that he will draws near to those who draw near to him (James 4:8). If your heart isn’t believing the truths you know in your mind just keep fighting. I was there. My heart was so hard. I didn’t even understand what was going on. God eventually pulled me out of it. I didn’t do it on my own. I could never do it on my own. He did it and He deserves all the glory and all the praise (Psalm 115:1).  We are in a battle every single day. We have to fight against the true and only enemy. Fight with Truth. Scripture is our weapon. Prayer is our weapon. And praise Jesus we already have the victory through Him!


The Lord is holding me through the mountains and He is holding me through the valleys. When I can’t even deal with the fact that the Lord helped my Chuck Chuck (my grand-dad) beat cancer over this past year and now all these other complications are happening and he is back in the hospital again and again, I will trust Him. I will pray like crazy. God is my anchor. Only His love can fill up my cup. He is always faithful. His words are always true. I will cling to His Words tighter than ever.


“You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” Psalm 16:11


“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.” Isaiah 43:2


I want to close by asking for prayer. Please pray for my Chuck Chuck to get better. Please also pray for my Ellie girl’s health. After the febrile seizure because of a sinus infection then it’s been an ear infection and now its Hand Foot Mouth. Were about to get tubes once her HFM clears up. Baby girl just seem to not be able to catch a break, but she’s here. Like I kept telling her in the ambulance on the way to the hospital… you’re here… baby girl you’re here. As I told Ellie and as I am telling myself.. I am telling you as well. Whoever you are, wherever you are reading this I want to tell you that YOU ARE HERE. And you are here on this Earth for a purpose. Don’t waste your time. In the hurt and the pain, turn to Jesus. In the good times, turn to Jesus. If you need help, if you need prayer ask for it. Do not isolate yourself. We are in this battle together as believers. We need each other. If you need prayer or need someone to talk to please let me know. I am here for you.


I had told some friends I was going to call my next blog post “judge me in my mini-van…” because I NEVER thought I would EVER drive a minivan…. but  through the Lord giving me a new perspective on everything I ended up getting a minivan. I use to say I will NEVER get a mini-van and hate to admit I would hard core judge people for having them but after everything happened with ellie and we were looking for a car with air vents in the back for her to keep her cool the minivan was truly the best car for our family. So I had to ask myself why do i judge people for having them? Because they’re a parent… well ya know I am a parent. And I am so proud and thankful to a parent so feel free to judge me in my minivan because it is the best car ever. Legit the doors open by themselves… it has everything I wanted in a car and the main reason I didn’t want them is because of other’s opinion… when it was the best car for my family for multiple multiple reasons.. I realized it wasn’t about me. I’m done worrying about others’ opinion of me. I live not even for the approval of One but under the approval of the only One who matters. I have never felt more cool then when I was driving my minivan wearing my leggings and my I’m A Cool Mom shirt while I drank my Vanilla Iced Latte while my baby girl watches Mickey Mouse with the air blowing own her… hahaha Not because it’s actually cool in the world’s eyes…. But because it is the coolest thing in the world for me to live my purpose out that God has gifted me with to be her momma. Being a little silly here but with all the heavy things going on in my heart why not have a little laugh? All I know is never say never to the mini-van. It has made my life so much more simple. I went from judging the minivan drivers to being so unbelievably thankful for mine.


I feel so undeserved of everything in my life. I am at a place where I am seeing things as never before. God is so good. He deserves the praise always and forever. Finally got everything out that has been weighing on my heart so heavy. If you have made it to this paragraph you must have alot of patience and really love me, so thank you and I love you too.






She Reads Truth

Ever struggle finding time or a plan of how to study the Bible?

I know I do but has helped me so so much. You can do it on their app, order a study book, or do it for free on their website. The study we are currently doing as a community of women striving to study to know our Father more and more daily is about the Names of God. It has been my most favorite study we’ve ever done. This is what I’ve been doing with the current study this time and it has really helped me internalize what we’re learning. Hope this encourages someone who wants to get in the Word but not sure how!! Much love!! XOXO 💛


just a real quick thought


“Our bad brokenness is made whole by His good brokenness.” -Ann Voscamp 

Transparency. Vulnerability. Authenticity. Isn’t this what we are called to as believers? So often especially in the south we all want to act like we got it all together. Why do we do this?!? God calls us to do the complete opposite! And let’s be honest.. who does have it all together? If you think you do let me assure you that that’s that is just the deceiver making you believe that. We are all broken people because we live in a broken world. But praise God because He came and died for our brokenness. When we embrace the truth of the true state of our hearts, then and only then can we experience the purest joy and understand our purpose in life. Thank you Jesus!! 🙌🏽🙌🏽 

my prayer this morning

2953568B-00B8-4B1F-9A5A-A15DC787FA55Cute pic for insta?!? Oh my… so much more than that. In my hot mess of a heart this morning… Jesus thank you for being enough for me. You’re always more than enough.


Why do I get caught in the distractions and frustrations of this world?!?

You tell me to seek the things that are above and to set my heart on eternal matters.

I try and then I get distracted. God, keep my focus on You. Help me live in You and for You. Make my desires Your desires.

Help me live under Your approval and not for the approval of man. In all I do let it be to further Your Kingdom.

Let sharing Jesus be my highest goal above all else. You’re all that matters. Thank you for always showing me grace. Help me show that grace to others.

Help me not get distracted with the frustrations of this world but have my mind on what truly matters. Let sacrifice and service be my heartbeat.

Forgive me for the many times my own personal desires are at the front of my mind. Enable me to live in confidence in who I am IN YOU. Because of YOU! Because of what You did for us! Though we don’t deserve your love and approval, you lavish it upon us.

If you’re feeling far from God today or like you are too far to come back to Him, let me speak some truth to you that He has encouraged my heart with this morning YOU CANNOT OUT SIN HIS GRACE. Run back to Him. I beg you. He restores Your soul. He gives you purpose. He gives you joy unexplainable.

If you want to talk about this or have something you’re struggling with and need prayer over  please message me. I love y’all. XOXO




Who doesn’t like to be in control? Or rather should I say who doesn’t like to feel like they’re in control?

I love feeling like I’m in control… like I’ve got a handle on all things. Everything’s in its place. Everyone is in there place. Everything is as I think it should be. But the reality is that even when I feel like I’m in control, the truth is I never am. There’s only One who is in control and nothing or no one could ever change that.

I like to pick a word of the day and I’ll write it on my wrist… well the current word written on my wrist has been written there for the past two weeks. I keep hearing it in songs and seeing it all over the place.

I think that God’s trying to teach me something…


This is something I have to be in a constant state of doing. It’s not something I can do just once or even just once a day. It’s a moment by moment deliberate choice I have to make.

Surrender to God’s will… to His plan… to His ways. To keep my eyes focused on eternal matters. Things of true importance. The issues and concerns my thoughts should be consumed with…. not the fleshly, worldly thoughts. We’re all guilty of it because we’re all sinners.

How easy it is for us to get distracted. I recently learned that I’m praying a swallow. Recently at my bible study we were studying Psalm 84 and studying about how God takes care and loves even the swallows. The interesting thing about swallows is they are very distracted… each and everyone of them have ADD… there an all over the place kind of birds. I don’t know about you but that is me! 💯 percent me.

I can’t keep focused half the time. My brains thinking about half a million things at once. I’ll be having a conversation while thinking about what I’m going to eat for dinner and what all I need to do and half a trillion other things. I can try to blame it on “mom brain” all I want, but that fact is I’ve just always been a swallow. I’m all over the place. But the good news is God loves us too. He cares for my speratic all over the place self. He doesn’t just care for me either. Y’all he loves me so deeply. He loves you so deeply. He loves us with an everlasting, unwavering kind of love. It’s a love we can’t even fathom. Our finite brains can’t even get near to comprehending the love God has for His children.

I have to remind myself of this constantly. I have to preach the gospel to myself not just everyday but each moment of everyday. My heart has to stay in a constant state of surrender. I have a million different practical ways I do this… I have to deliberately work on this and still do but eventually these things I practice just become apart of my routine. Some days I do better than others. I write all over my hands… 🙈🙈 some people tell me I’m going to get ink poison.. hopefully not… guess we will see 😝 I write the first letter of each word on my hand of whatever verse I’m trying to memorize. Like I said earlier I also write a word of the day or week or month on the inside portion of my wrist. It’s been funny to see how these have been a really great witnessing tool. I have to constantly be listening to praise music, a sermon or podcast, or be praying. It’s very helpful to have family and friends who are encouraging you and speaking truth into you daily.

I love one of the last lyrics in the song “So Will I.” It says “If you gladly chose surrender so will I.” If Jesus Christ the Savior, King, and Lord of the world would choose to surrender everything for us how could we not choose to surrender everything everyday so that others could come to know Jesus as their Lord and Savior as well. Living to serve and love others doesn’t come natural. I have to remind myself of the mercy and grace God has and is and will show me and that in turn fuels me to show that mercy and grace to others. To live for Christ is to truly live. My prayer multiple times a day… “Lord, help me” and He does. There’s grace on the good days and the bad days. Thank you Jesus. 💛💛




Leaves the ninety-nine

OVERWHELMED by our sweet sweet Savior’s love this morning. How could He love a sinner like me? Why does He never let me go? Because of His character. His goodness. Because of who HE is. Each day I see the depth of my own sin more and more; and in that I also get to see the depth of God’s grace more and more. His grace is always deeper than my sin. I have been stuck in this passage the last couple weeks. He leaves the ninety-nine and comes to get me when I run away. It’s meant extra extra amounts this past month. His faithfulness doesn’t waver, though mine does. He is more than anything we could ever deserve and deserves all the praise. Thank you Lord for loving this sinner with your ridiculous, reckless love.

It chases me down, fights ‘til I’m found, leaves the ninety-nine

I couldn’t earn it, I don’t deserve it, still You give Yourself away

The overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God

If you haven’t heard this song, check it out. I’ve had it on repeat for a couple weeks now.



Happy Birthday Jesus.

Jesus. Jesus. Keeping my eyes fixed on my Savior because He is my hope. He is my joy. He is my peace. The best part of Christmas and really the best part of every season is Jesus. I mean how crazy is it that our perfect, righteous, and holy King left His throne in heaven and came down to this fallen sin stained world to save us. He saved us desperately sick sinners from eternal damnation. That’s the beauty of Christmas. His grace. His incredible, ridiculous, reckless grace. Thank you Jesus for coming as a baby to then come and save us. Though we don’t deserve you, you love us so. When life is crazy and chaotic (which seems to be my life all of the time now) I know you have gone before me. You are behind me. You are with me in the present. You keep me heart in perfect peace because my mind is stayed on you. You are my Anchor. In the chaos you are my calm. When I fail you again and again, your grace is always there to catch me. When I wish so badly my actions perceived just how much I love you but they don’t you say it’s okay because Jesus was perfect for me. It’s not about how much I have it together or how good or even how bad I am. You love me because of who you are. You love me just as much on my bad days as you do on my good days. Thank you Jesus. Words could never explain just how grateful I am for you for paying the debt I should of paid. Though I could never repay you for all that you’ve done I pray my life would be a praise song to you. You are my all and all. Thank you Jesus for everything. Happy Birthday. We love you so much. ❤️


“even to your old age I am he, and to gray hairs I will carry you. I have made, and I will bear; I will carry and will save.“ Isaiah 46:4

“You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.” Isaiah 26:3

“For to us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.” Isaiah 9:6



the wonder


Like I seriously cannot handle this girl’s cuteness. No matter what kind of day I’ve had this girl gives me more joy than I could ever explain. Tonight something has just really been weighing on my heart as I hold this sweet angel. I have such a love-hate relationship with social media. I love getting to stay caught up with friends. I love to be encouraged and use it as a source of encouragement… but it’s very easy to use social media as a way to make it “look” like your life is perfect. It’s easy to fall into the comparison trap and to think man they’re the perfect mom or man they just really have it all together. I love posting pictures of sweet Ellie girl and fun things but we are a hot mess all of the time. I feel like a chicken running around with its head cut off literally everyday. But it’s okay. It’s okay because Jesus loves this hot mess. That moment when you realize this is my circus and those are my monkeys. I’ve been stuck in Psalm 23 for acouple weeks. I had been overwhelmed and not relying on the Holy Spirit but trying to do everything in my own power.. which by the way doesn’t work… at all. One of my sweet friends reminded me to stop. Stop bearing the responsibility. And just rest in Jesus. Through the business and through the chaos. Rely on Him. Worship Him. He is my Shepherd. I shall not want because He is enough. He has guaranteed my salvation and He isn’t just enough.. He’s more than enough. As I sit here looking at the Christmas tree and baby girl and Tay are both asleep.. everything is quiet…. God is just meeting me right where I am and restoring my soul like only He can. What David meant when he said that his cup overflows is that his source of joy doesn’t come from circumstances but comes from Truth that is unchangeable. My joy doesn’t come from what’s going around me or what kind of day I’ve had. My joy comes from Jesus. It comes from knowing He secured my salvation when he lived the absolute perfect life in my place & died the worse death in my place. He did it all & because of that I rejoice… Jesus is my joy. Jesus is my Christmas. Every time I hold that sweet girl I’m filled with joy because the things that get me upset don’t matter any more because holding her reminds me of what matters… reminds me to have an eternal perspective. It’s okay not to have it all together… it’s okay that the house is a disaster. It’s okay that you haven’t washed your hair in ummmm you don’t know how long… it’s okay to not have anything together… because Jesus has it all together. That’s what’s so beautiful about Christmas. Without Jesus coming to this earth we would all be bound to hell. But because He chose to leave His throne in heaven and come to this sin ridden place to save us in such a humble way everything changes. The wonder of Christmas isn’t in the presents or anything but the beauty of our King humbling himself to come be our Savior. Praying for myself, my family, and my girls to keep our eyes on Jesus this season. Let’s not miss the wonder. Let’s not miss the true joy we have in Jesus. Merry Christmas and I love y’all. XOXO

”For to us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.” Isaiah 9:6